I was thinking I'd pretty much finished with this topic, but i keep getting hit with the thought that I wasn't direct enough in Part 1 and Part 2. May Part 3 be blunt and clear. If the Lord wants to step on your toes, tell Him to go ahead and do it.
In fact, stop right now and pray. Ask the Lord to show you how any of this may apply to you.
In Where Real Victory Lives Part 1 & Part 2, I deliberately avoided using the term "narcissism" because I felt it narrowed the scope of what the Holy Spirit wanted to address. Here in Part 3, I'm tackling narcissism head on.
In the mental health world, the term is used to describe a certain set of human personality issues that are dealt with by a psychiatrist.
In contrast to that, l see narcissism as a spiritual issue requiring a spiritual solution. Dealing first with the spiritual root is the true key to the soul-level cure that God wants us to have.
Thankfully, the Lord doesn't leave us alone to get through these soul-level issues on our own.
Philippians 2:13 Amplified Bible
For it is [not your strength, but it is] God who is effectively at work in you, both to will and to work [that is, strengthening, energising, and creating in you the longing and the ability to fulfil your purpose] for His good pleasure.
But that doesn't mean the fix will be easy. As a born-again Believer, you're still wrestling in this life's arena against your old leftover ways of thinking, choosing, and feeling. And whether you realise it or not, you're also wrestling against real-life demons looking for any opening to use against you and your circle.
Paul wrote to already born-again, bound-for-heaven Believers concerning their ongoing soul-level transformation. In the arena of your mind, will and emotions, some level of self-focus and self-interest is usually present. It may not rise to the level of full-blown narcissism, but it still should be carefully weighed before the Lord and dealt with.
Let's look at Philippians 2:12-13 again but this time from the NIV:
Therefore, my dear friends...continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfil his good purpose.
Notice that Paul didn't say "work FOR your salvation...". He said to "work OUT your salvation...". Big difference. He's talking about soul-level changes AFTER your spirit has been born again.
You can never do anything to work FOR your salvation. That implies you can earn it. You can't. You can only repent, accept in faith the full payment Jesus made on your behalf, and yield to His changes...working OUT your salvation.
Getting back to narcissism, I'm going to start by quoting and adapting heavily from several online sources.
According to an article in Wikipedia,
Narcissism is a self-centered personality style characterised by a preoccupation with oneself and one's own needs...
WebMD says
Narcissism is self-involvement to the point where a person disregards the impact on those around them. Narcissists often disregard others or their feelings.
Next, I'm adapting some extended excerpts from an online MayoClinic article.
Narcissists:
- Have trouble handling anything they view as criticism and are easily upset by the slightest criticism.
- Believe their needs and wants are more important and are unwilling to yield to the legitimate needs and feelings of others.
- Are critical of people they feel are not as important.
- Expect other people to do what they want without questioning them.
- Become impatient or angry when they don't get their way.
- Have major problems interacting with others and easily feel slighted.
- Have difficulty managing their emotions and behaviour.
- Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change.
- Withdraw from situations in which they might fail.
- Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, and fear of being exposed.
The unsaved world doesn't recognise that these issues stem from a fallen sin nature. The truth is this: our human sin nature needs Jesus' intervention and rescue.
Fixing these personality issues starts with repentance and faith. That's followed by Holy Spirit driven transformation in the mind, will and emotions.
- Gaining a born-again, born-from-above spirit is an event.
- The subsequent soul-level transformation is a process.
- We all get hung up at times during the soul-level process, but we're also all called to humble ourselves, step up and press through.
In other words, get saved and follow Jesus wholeheartedly. Get into the Bible, really get into it. Sell out to the new life God has for you. Surrender and stay surrendered to Him. Trust Him, He knows what He's doing. Don't become hard hearted and stiff-necked with God.
If you're a true Jesus follower, this world is not your home, you're just passing through. The Lord has plans and methods that are way beyond the scope of what we can see or understand. Never forget: The full weight of His dreams for us won't happen here.
Here are some verses that will go a long way to freeing anyone from ungodly self-focus. Think of these passages as God's medicine. They all point to losing yourself in order to find yourself. They all point to being truly set free in His incredible love.
Matthew 10:39 NIV, Jesus speaking about the paradox of self-preservation versus self-sacrifice:
Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.
Mark 8:34 NIV, Jesus speaking:
Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.
Mark 10:45 NIV, Jesus speaking:
The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.
John 15:12 NIV, Jesus speaking:
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.
...In humility, value others above yourselves...
Philippians 2:5-7 NIV (excerpts)
In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus...(Who) made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant...
Following Jesus requires that you die to being self-focused.
- Become other-focused,
- Develop a servant's heart, and
- Trust the goodness of God’s love and plans.
Deep in your heart, choose to surrender to God’s bigger picture. You don't need to know the details ahead of time, just trust Him and do it. That's the only way to truly find yourself. The outcome is going to be incredible.
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